Sunday, February 14, 2010

Blue

This is an entry I really don't want to do; I've put it off for a month waiting for the right time, but really there is no right time to tell you that my horse Blue is dead. He's been such a big part of this blog that I feel I owe it to my readers to let you know.
Now, I could make up any kind of a story, and only my immediate family members would know the truth, but I'm just not wired that way. I wish I could tell you that Blue's demise couldn't be helped, but that would be a lie; I simply didn't pay enough attention to details. I told Cliff yesterday that my lack of vigilance these days makes me wonder if I even deserve to own a dog.
On a recent Sunday, Cliff put Blue down for me. That was not the only option we had, but it was the only one that made sense to us. Blue was suffering, We don't have an endless supply of money, and our facilities are less than ideal. Perhaps people who don't have the funds to do everything perfectly shouldn't be allowed to own horses.
Blue was indeed my dream horse. He babysat this old lady through many adventures, and I'm thankful for every day I had with him, and for all the pictures and videos I have of him.
There will be no more horses for me; Adam still keeps his horses here, and I interact with them every day, giving them treats and turning them in and out. So I will still be posting pictures of horses occasionally in my blog.
Please don't ask questions about this, and try not to judge me too harshly. I'll still mention Blue sometimes, because I treasure his memory and I want to remember him.
Rest in peace, Blue.

47 comments:

Ora said...

God Bless you Donna...I know you are in pain over this..but I also know that if there were any other recourse you would have taken it..whatever the reason I know you care for your animal friends far to much to see them suffer...love and a big hug....Ora

Penny said...

I am so sorry to hear this, my friend. I know Blue was a special horse. I also say rest in peace. Blessings and love, Penny

Sugar said...

dear donna,
please accept my condolences re blue. i can imagine how sad, lost, & lonely, his passing left you. & may i say ty to blue, for giving you the companionship you needed.
may he gallop thru the fields at the rainbow bridge, waiting for the day you join him, to ride together once more.
please email me if i can help.
God bless, giving you strength to get thru this devastating time. only true animal lovers can fully understand.
sister sugar

Lisa said...

Bless your heart. I would never judge you or anyone else. We all do what we have to or need to do and that is our business, not for others to know.

I am so sorry you lost your Blue - my heart goes out to you as I know all too well the heartache you carry. You will see Blue again, until then may he rest in peace.

I'm mostly known as 'MA' said...

A lot of us enjoyed all those rides with Blue. Very often at work I'd check out my blog roll and there would be Blue and you going down the road. Of course you'll have all those wonderful memories of your Blue. Just treasure them and hold them close to your heart. I'm so sorry to hear that you had to put him down. I am sending a big hug your way and lots of love.

'On Ya'-ma

ms martyr said...

Sorry to read this. Take comfort in your memories and the fact Blue was loved. Not all animals are so fortunate.

Anonymous said...

Oh my gosh - I am so sorry -- I really enjoyed your Blue stories...I know you will miss him. We lost our old mare this summer - way hard...
Marcia/WY

Janet said...

RIP Blue - we will miss you!!

Donna (hugs) to you and Cliff.

Janet

Leigh Ann said...

I'm so sorry about Blue and about the burden you've been carrying. Please don't be harsh with yourself. I am certain that all of your animals are very blessed to have you in their lives and I pray for your comfort and peace of mind.

Kathy said...

Oh Donna, I'm sorry to read this. I know you'll miss Blue and I know you'll remember Blue so fondly. I have always enjoyed your rides along the river with Blue.

Rest In Peace Blue.

RNSheets said...

Sorry to hear this about Blue, Donna...

Adirondackcountrygal said...

I am so sorry Donna, I truly enjoyed "riding" Blue with you.

Marlene said...

Donna, I am so sad for you and Cliff too. I enjoyed seeing the Missouri countryside from between Blues ears. My heart is breaking for you guys. May he enjoy his new life at the Rainbow Bridge. Hugs to you.

Anonymous said...

R.I.P Blue, your ears were the perfect frame for many picures...sorry Donna hope you are ok
Natalie UK

Anonymous said...

Dee from Tennessee

Just sending you a big ol' hug...just a big hug. Blue knew he was loved.

Anne said...

R.I.P Blue......I don't doubt your judgement Donna. I know how much your heart is aching. Bless you. Hugs, Anne

Paula said...

So sorry. Anyone who lives in the country and owns animals understand at times there are certain things that have to be done. No questions asked.

Astaryth said...

Oh Donna,My heart breaks for you... I know how much you loved Blue, and I'm sure that the decision you made was based in that love. As my own horse turned 20 this year, I understand the thought process. If Boo gets ill or colics there will be no heroic measures taken (such as surgery). I will do my best for him as far as medical treatment, but if he is suffering, I will have him released from that suffering. It is one of the hardest things we do as animal caretakers. R.I.P. Blue, you were (and are) loved.

Sonya said...

Donna, I am so sorry. I know you must be heartbroken. I am so so sorry.
And sorry you have held this in for a while.
Not sure what happened but don't be hard on yourself. It sounds like you are. We all know how you love the animals. I am here for you too if you need to talk. I think you know that though already.



Sonya

Traci said...

Donna, I'm so sorry. It's hard to make the right choices and sadly they do revolve around the amount of money involved. We will all miss Blue, he was one of the great ones!

Sheila said...

So sorry! Rest in Peace Blue.
Sheila

Amy said...

We are in the same boat with Paco (bone cancer) and Rosalita (heart disease). You know I love my animals with all my heart....and *they* know it....and that's all one can really ask for. I am so sorry, Donna....

Diane@Diane's Place said...

My heart aches for you, Donna. My sympathies, my friend. xoxoxo

zzop357 said...

I would never judge you or anyone for this. My first thought was,"If you love them let them go."
It breaks my heart for someone to force animal to suffer because they can't stand to turn them loose. Thats not love, to me thats selfish. My prayers are with you.
Donna

madcobug said...

I am so sorry Donna. I have been wondering why you haven't mentioned him lately. No wonder you have been so down lately. Some tings you just need to do even though it nearly kills you to have to do them. May God lift the burden soon so you will feel better. Hugs to you, Helen

ADB said...

Donna,
I am very sad indeed to hear that you lost Blue. At the end of the day, you took the responsibility that any animal lover and owner dreads to have to face, yet sometimes unavoidably needs to take. If your horse was suffering and was beyond help, then there was only one course of action. You must not beat yourself up over what you did or did not do, as that does not serve any constructive purpose. Give yourself proper time to grieve, and think back to the many good times you had with Blue.

Guido

Hollie said...

Oh no! I'm so, so sorry! My heart breaks for your loss. I know how much you loved & tresured Blue! I will miss him & sharing your rides.

Midlife Mom said...

Oh Donna, my heart is breaking for you right now! I wish I had the words to make it all better for you. Whatever the reason I know you did what was right for dear Blue, there is not one ounce of doubt in my mind. I have so enjoyed your rides looking between those ears that were always forward and happy to be out with you on an adventure. You gave him a wonderful life, a life that I wish more horses in this world had so don't doubt yourself. We will see them again, I believe that with all of my heart. Rest in peace dear Blue.

Becky said...

I'm going to miss seeing your world framed by Blue's ears. What a sweet natured horse. I know where you are coming from. We couldn't afford extraordinary measures to save my kitty. And at 21 years old, I had to consider if it was in his best interests to try all kinds of tests and procedures. Sometimes it's just better to give a long hug and pet good bye and give our pets a quick exit from pain and suffering.

Carlene Noggle said...

Donna....there is no way on earth that I would think harshly of you...I know you and know how you love and care for your animals. I know that to put him down, had to be one of the most painful decisions that you have made in your life. I also know this has to be weighing heavy on your heart and I wish that I could be there to help in some way ... I hope and pray that God comforts and helps heal this burden you are caring...God bless you my friend.
love,
carlene

The Guy Who Writes This said...

Donna, I feel so sorry for you. It's a decision we've had to make as well. We set a financial limit of $2,000 in medical on our horses because anything above that is often heroic and doesn't work anyway.

Vicki said...

Donna, I am so very sorry. No explanation necessary. We all know how loved Blue was. Vicki

Flat Creek Farm said...

Sorry to hear about Blue. He was loved - that's all that matters. And he was not allowed to suffer any longer. We're all only human, after all. Nobody's perfect - especially not me. No judgment, no explanation necessary. Just know that we care! -Tammy

Anonymous said...

My heart sank when I read this. I know you haven't spoken of him for awhile now. Now I know why. I know he was your buddy through and through. Sometimes, we can only do what we can do. Horses can get into the thousands of dollars to treat in a big hurry. I do understand, and know that you did what you could, and that everyone has a limit to what they can do. I am so sorry you lost him. He was a beautiful wonderful horse and I will always remember him in a good light. You don't have to share anything with anyone, but you do, and I appreciate it.

Kelly (in Georgia)

Anonymous said...

Oh Donna,
I just stopped by cause I haven't been able to lately and I'm writing this with tears and heartache. I love Blue as I loved Mandy and I COMPLETELY understand your decision to let Blue be your last horse. And what a great ending to your horse owning career.
This is a great shock. I guess I just thought Blue would be there as long as you were. You have made the most painful decision and I am so sorry. Magran of FAZE DAZE

nerves05 said...

Oh Donna,

I'm so sorry to hear about this. It just floored me completely. But i can understand where you are coming from. I loved the horse and he wasn't even mine.. I'll miss him too.
I know he was a blessing to you.

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry to hear this - I was wondering why I hadn't heard about him lately. It's only natural to feel bad and to run through the "if only" scenarios. However, there's no point in taking it to extremes and beating yourself up over your loss because you don't deserve it. It has been a difficult winter and nearly impossible for young people in perfect health to keep as close an eye on their animals as they would like, let alone someone with bad knees. Serious conditions can slip up on our animals quickly, even when we're doing our best.

We live in an age where we have wonderful technology to treat previously hopeless conditions, even in our animals. But such treatment is often a long-shot, as well as prohibitively expensive, so the fact that you chose not to chase after that option should not be a cause for guilt. I have the utmost respect for the simple common-sense wisdom of our forefathers; the ones who would have done the exact same thing you did. The fact that you can't do everything "perfectly" according to the standards of this upside-down society shouldn't be a source of anguish.

There may well be valid reasons for making Blue your final horse, but the circumstances of his death isn't one of them. Try to focus on being thankful for the blessing of having such a good horse to enjoy, and never forget that he was blessed by having an equally good owner. I certainly wouldn't judge you too harshly, and I hope you won't judge yourself too harshly either. God bless...

Lindie said...

My heart is breaking for you. Blue was a wonderful horse and we all enjoyed your posts about the two of you and your rides. So sorry.

Mel said...

Oh, Donna, I am so, so sorry to hear about Blue. BIG hugs coming your way: ((((((((((((((you))))))))))))

And I'm even gladder that I'm knitting you a super-secret surprise item. I'll be knitting even more love into every stitch.

m.v. said...

We still have photos of Samantha riding Blue.I know it was a hard decision for you.

Pat said...

Donna, I'm so very sorry to hear about Blue. I know how much you loved him, and how much we all enjoyed your pictures and videos of him. Please know my heart is sadden to hear of this, and I will keep you in my prayers. May God bless you.
Hugs!!!
Pat

Linda :) said...

I'm so sorry... I'll miss Blue...
Hugs to you...

Tipper said...

I'm sorry for your loss-sounds like Blue was really special to you.

Connie said...

Aww I feel for you.
I'm sure you and Blue had a special bond.
He knows you loved him .

Wil said...

Donna, sincere condolences upon the death of Blue. It is so very sad when we must make these kinds of hard decisions for our dearest companions, be it man or beast. I'm sure, if the roles were reversed, Blue would have done by you in a similar way.

Robbyn said...

Oh, Donna! I had no idea you lost your beautiful Blue...I'm so sorry! He could not have possibly been loved and lavished on more than he was with you, his true companion. (((((((sending hugs across the miles)))))))))))

Robbyn

Joyful Days said...

((Donna))

Just returned to blogging again and stopped in. My heart just broke when I read about your loss of Blue. Seeing your pictures through his ears reminded me of my many rides on my Beau (he was bay, too). I always enjoyed reading about your rides. No judgment--I've been there before. He had a good life with you and I know Beau had a good life with me. I'm pretty sure their field is lush and green.

So very sorry.

Julie