The last on this subject

There's certainly no way to top that last entry, so I won't even make an attempt. If you didn't read the comments left there, you should; I think you'll get a smile out of them.

Mrs. Linklater suggested I might have porn searches ending up on an entry with the word "breast" in it, but so far that hasn't happened; I checked my sitemeter. If that were to start happening, I'd simply change one of the letters in the word to an asterisk. Let's face it, though: With all the chicken recipes on the Internet, that would be a particularly unsuccessful word to use in a porn search.

I should mention that when insurance is paying for a mammoplasty, insurance chooses the size the new breasts will be, typically a "C". It's going to take some getting used to, let me tell you, after so many years of being well-endowed. I didn't know I had developed such a pot belly, since I couldn't see my belly before, looking down. Now, I can. You'd better believe I am sucking in my gut a LOT these days, as I sit at the computer.

Sugar wondered if Medicare pays for breast reduction. According to this source, indeed it will. There are guidelines, but they are the same as the ones for any insurance: Indentations in the shoulders, skin problems underneath, discomfort in the back and neck. You must need at least a pound removed, typically a double D. I know Sugar has a lot of health issues, so she might not be able to get the procedure done on that account.

I will go to the plastic surgeon Friday and get the tape removed. The stitches are the kind that absorb. He'll take an "after" picture to go with the "before" shot he took on my first visit, and hopefully I will be done with him.

Cliff did not meet the surgeon until the day of my operation, when he came in to draw a map on my chest. When he was finished and left the room, Cliff said, "What school bus did HE get off of?"

He does look like a kid, doesn't he? His nurse told me he averages doing one breast reduction per week.

I'm glad I had this done. Breast reduction has the highest satisfaction rate of any other plastic surgery, 95%. Everyone I've heard of who has had it is happy with the results.

This will probably be the last you hear on this subject.

Are you ready to learn why I was in the hospital?

I've been waiting to make sure I had no complications, because it would be quite embarrassing to tell people what a walk-in-the-park this particular surgery was, and then have something go wrong.

I never thought I'd be using a plastic surgeon. And my insurance paid for it all.

I had a bi-lateral mammoplasty; in other words, a breast reduction.

Now when I told people about this, most everybody said, "I didn't think you were that big."

Gee, thanks. I was into a size "G" bra. I'm a big gal, so being generously endowed didn't look out of place on me. The size alone was no problem, but aging had taken everything south. I could not get comfortable. If I wore a good, supportive bra, those plastic inserts cut into my ribs and hurt. The straps hurt my shoulders.

We won't even talk about the discomforts of going braless.

So I did some Internet research and found out that usually, insurance will pay for this. I had a few email conversations with a friend of my daughter who had this procedure done when she was in her thirties; she says it's the best thing she ever did.

The surgery took four hours. Not only was I not nervous, I was anxious to have it done. When the anesthesia guy said he'd get me some Versed (whatever that is) before surgery, I turned him down, although someone else later insisted I have it.

Cliff, on the other hand, was a wreck, bless his heart. I know he hated to see "the girls" trimming down, but he understood.

This is a pretty personal subject, and ordinarily I wouldn't be telling the world about it. But there might be another lady who just can't get comfortable, someone who doesn't know insurance will pay for this.

So there you have it.

I spent one night in the hospital. They sent me home with antibiotics. Oh, and hydrocodone, which I'll save for those days when my knees are really bothering me. I took one dose the second day after surgery for the sore throat I got from having that breathing device in place while they operated. Otherwise, I really haven't needed anything for pain. I'm not supposed to lift more than ten pounds for a couple of weeks: of course I've forgotten a dozen times and picked up things I shouldn't have... my thirty-pound dog, for instance.

If you're not squeamish, you can search on Youtube and see a video of the operation like the one I had. I'm glad I didn't watch until after my surgery; I might have chickened out.

Questions?

Oh, I have to tell you about this: When I opened Cliff's lunch box this morning, there was a sympathy card a couple of co-workers had given him. The verse on the front reads as follows:

The ones that we've lost

still go with us in spirit

we will remember them.

In the faces of family,

their presence still lingers...

we will remember them.

Hello, people? They're not gone, they're just smaller!