My first cell phone

I don't like talking on the telephone. I do much better with the written, or typed, word. Emails, journals, postcards... I'm comfortable with those.

My husband, Cliff, has had a cell phone for two or three years. His first one was a Christmas gift from me, and he's enjoyed it thoroughly. He can talk to his brothers any time he so desires without running up any surprise charges.

I ride my horse down by the Missouri River quite often, and all along our country roads. He's a good horse, and I never take risks with him (like making him gallop or jump, anything like that).

And yet, I know if Blue were to step into a hornet's nest as we rode along, he'd buck. And there I'd be, with no way of calling for help, if I were hurt.

So finally, two months ago, I got myself a cell phone.

I'd carried it for a couple of days before it rang for the first time (I have Waylon Jennings singing "Good-hearted Woman" as my ring-tone), and I was so excited, you can't even imagine. It took me a little while to figure out how to answer the silly thing, but finally I did, and said, "Hello?"

"Is Darryl there?" some woman asked.

That was only the first of many, many calls for Darryl. One guy even asked, last week, to talk to "Darryl, the licker". Ewwwwww.

So when a couple of ladies kept calling repeatedly, I decided to call them back at 4 A.M. That's about the time I usually get up in the morning, and I figured to teach them a lesson.

The first one of the two that I tried didn't answer; the phone just rang and rang.

The other one answered, chatting to someone who was with her, obviously wide awake and ready to talk to her friend Darryl... at 4 AM.

That wasn't the reaction I had hoped for, and I stopped the call by closing my phone.

It wasn't more than five minutes until I got two text messages for Darryl. "How U doin. My phone is F***** up. Sorry."

OK, on to plan B: Next call I get asking for Darryl, I say, "You're going to have to find yourself a new drug dealer, because ole Darryl has been put away for a few years."

Do you think that will work?