Thursday, May 09, 2013


I hadn't read the book of Ecclesiastes for quite a while, or even thought about it, until this morning.  I went out to milk Jody and bottle-feed Penny, and that's when it began:  "Vanity," I heard the voice in my head say, "it's all vanity."   
Just for today, I wish I hadn't started a garden.  I wish I had not bought those stupid chickens.  Right now, I could sell every cow on the place and not blink an eye.  
The other day I fried up a big mess of morel mushrooms and they didn't even taste good, because Cliff wasn't enjoying them with me.  
Two of my apple trees are blooming for the first time this year.  I couldn't care less.

Ecclesiastes 2:4-6   4I made my works great, I built myself houses, and planted myself vineyards. I made myself gardens and orchards, and I planted all kinds of fruit trees in them. I made myself water pools from which to water the growing trees of the grove..... then on to verse 11: 
Then I looked on all the works that my hands had done
And on the labor in which I had toiled;
And indeed all was vanity and grasping for the wind.
There was no profit under the sun.

I don't care what's growing in the garden.  Oh, I go ahead and plant and hoe and till, because to not do so would mean I have no hope of anything getting better than it is right now.  And of course, things will get better.
Cliff is so tired of hurting.  It seems that anywhere I touch him, it hurts.  I have never seen him more depressed than he is right now.  
So today he will go in to have the stent removed that was placed in a bile duct last week, and a longer stent put in.  That means he'll have a very sore throat again, since this procedure involves the doctor going down his throat with some kind of instrument.  
He could barely talk last weekend as a result of this same operation.
On the bright side, he ate two honest-to-goodness meals yesterday and enjoyed them.  

Forgive me for being such a downer.  I usually have so much fun in my life.  I love sharing my adventures with my readers.  I hesitated to do this entry, but sometimes I just want to "keep it real".  This is what's been going through my head this morning.    

 The words of the Preacher, the son of David, king in Jerusalem.
“Vanity of vanities,” says the Preacher;
“Vanity of vanities, all is vanity.”
What profit has a man from all his labor
In which he toils under the sun?
One generation passes away, and another generation comes;
But the earth abides forever.
The sun also rises, and the sun goes down,
And hastens to the place where it arose.
The wind goes toward the south,
And turns around to the north;
The wind whirls about continually,
And comes again on its circuit.
All the rivers run into the sea,
Yet the sea is not full;
To the place from which the rivers come,
There they return again.
All things are full of labor;
Man cannot express it.
The eye is not satisfied with seeing,
Nor the ear filled with hearing.
That which has been is what will be,
That which is done is what will be done,
And there is nothing new under the sun.
10 Is there anything of which it may be said,
“See, this is new”?
It has already been in ancient times before us.
11 There is no remembrance of former things,
Nor will there be any remembrance of things that are to come
By those who will come after.


ingasmile said...

Donna, it is hard to enjoy your hard work and efforts when your loved one is so ill. You have both been affected by this illness and probably made you both think about the things you hold most dear to your heart. Medical "stuff" can be downright overwhelming especially when they really aren't sure of the "fix". I hope after today's procedure that Cliff bounces back to eating and gaining strength.


Jon said...

I think this is one of your best, most heartfelt posts and I'm glad you shared your feelings. You and Cliff are going through some extremely difficult times but things will get better. I'm glad he's eating and enjoying his meals.

The scripture from Ecclesiastes is beautiful.

I'm mostly known as 'MA' said...

Isn't it true though that when it comes down to it it is those we love that makes life worth living. All the other things are just extras. I'm glad you found something that you could look on the bright side about. Cliff's being able to enjoy a good meal is a blessing. Will continue to keep you all in my prayers. Love and hugs!!!

Barbara In Caneyhead said...

A great big hug to you, my friend! I know how hard it is when your spouse is feeling down and out. God bless you and lift you up, that you might encourage & lift Cliff up.

Melissa Wiggins said...

Donna -- get Cliff some Popsicles. Will lived on them when they kept intubating him. You can get the sugar free -- or if he needs a burst of energy just get the regular ones. They also have lovely fruit pops that work like the popsicles. He can suck on the cooling ice and it helps the throat so much. Our thoughts remain centered on your healing. MGW

krueth said...

I am sure it is very discouraging for Cliff and you too at times. Pray this is the last procedure now and Cliff can finally mend up. Take care, Wendy

Cheryl @ TFD said...

I'm sorry you're feeling down. It's sure understandable. I'm hoping this procedure will be the last and your hubby will soon feel much better and you, too! You both are on my prayer list. Take care.

Sister--Three said...

Hope Cliff is better soon so you will be too!


Sometimes life throws you a curveball and you just have to accept the way things are instead of how you wish them to be. But when that happens you need to express yourself. Otherwise it'll eat you alive. I am so sorry about the difficulties Cliff faces. I hope time heals him. And that you'll both be able to smile again.

Lori said...

I hurt for you while reading this post. I am so sorry you and Cliff are having to go through this. And though I know it WILL get better, it must be so very frustrating and depressing right now. I hope this longer stent does the trick and that soon Cliff will be feeling better and back to himself.

Margaret said...

I feel for you because I know how awful it is to have reality change and have to adjust to difficult things. Cliff will get better and you will enjoy all these pursuits again; having him sick puts their unimportance in perspective though. Keep on swimming, keep on swimming as Dory says in Finding Nemo. xoxo

Rita Mosquita said...

This spoke to me so deeply. We lost a cousin this week who had dealt with alcoholism and substance abuse. He was almost 55. His dad turned 88 today and is heartbroken. Thank you.

Average Jane said...

Sending you virtual hugs and hoping that all of this gets better for both of you soon. said...

Don't be so hard on yourself. You work hard and that garden is very good for your health and cliffs. And those cows bring fresh meat and income. Things will get better. You just hit a rough patch. said...

Don't be so hard on yourself. You work hard and that garden is very good for your health and cliffs. And those cows bring fresh meat and income. Things will get better. You just hit a rough patch.