When we started attending a church in our little town, somebody remembered that I used to sing at various functions. With some persuasion, they finally got me to sing at church, after more than twenty years of silence. I was nervous the first couple of times, but then I got over it. It helps that it's a small group of people there, and things are very informal.
This led to my digging out songs I wrote that I hadn't thought about in years. In some cases, I had to work at remembering the tunes. I don't write down music notes when I write a song. I used to put new songs on a cassette recorder so that if I forgot the tune, I could listen to it, but the recorder and the cassettes have gone the way of the dinosaur. Anyhow, some of the songs I wrote in the 90's weren't so bad, and some were downright good. I am finding that if I polish up the not-so-bad ones and update some of the words, they are fairly decent. Somewhere in this process of rediscovering my old songs from back when I used to be a songwriter, I realized these songs are all going to die with me.
The songs are like children to me, my creations. I can't let them die.
I have put three of them on Youtube and another three on Vimeo. There are a lot of people who don't want to be owned by Google, the owner of Youtube, and don't want to have to make a Google account to watch videos. That's why I switched to Vimeo. I believe all the Youtube ones have been made private, so nobody can hunt them down and make fun of me. The Vimeo ones are all private but one, which I left accessible because a local friend wanted it.
It occurred to me yesterday that if I put the best of my songs on Vimeo and made them private, only allowing a few people to access them (people that think I'm a lot more talented than I really am, or my daughter, since one of the songs is about her), the songs might live on for a while after I'm gone.
The trouble is that I HATE recording myself. I'm too lazy to re-record until I get it right, so the recordings are always flawed. I am ashamed of how bad I am at playing the guitar, which is one of the reasons I'm self-conscious singing in front of an audience. So every one of the songs I record for posterity is going to be imperfect, to say the least. That's why I keep putting it off.
Someone on Facebook mentioned chrysanthemums yesterday and it reminded me of one of my songs entitled "I'm A Chrysanthemum". Back when I sang publicly sometimes, it was my most requested song. I guess that's the next one I will record next. If I wrote a song comparing myself to a flower these days, it would be something about the last rose of summer. Trust me on that.
Yeah, I have to get those songs recorded, whether I feel like it or not.