The older I get, the less time I spend longing for the old days or making resolutions for the new year. At some point, old age settled in and made its home here, and for the most part, I live in the now. My new favorite mantra, when I'm meditating, is "I am". Which, coincidentally, sounds a lot like "om", the chant most commonly used. I don't say the words out loud, I simply think them, to keep thoughts from entering my mind. I wouldn't want Cliff to wake up, walk into the living room, and find me with my eyes shut, chanting a word over and over. He already tells me I'm strange. I wouldn't want to push him toward a decision to have me committed.
I sadly watch Cliff get up and walk across the room limping, which is an every day occurrence now. I've been limping for quite a while, especially if I've been sitting for a long time. I'm not sure when it started with him. I look at my hands and see the age spots and transparent skin and realize my hands look older at the age of 70 than my mother's hands looked when she was 90. I know age spots are caused by sun exposure, and I will admit I have spent lots of time in the sun... and I don't regret a single minute of it! It's the same with walking: I've walked for years as an exercise, and that may have had something to do with my arthritic knees. But I wouldn't trade the pleasure and solitude I got from those walks for anything.
With the recent death of Cliff's brother Don, we've been reminded that every step we take is toward the grave, so we live one day at a time and are thankful for each one.
We spent some time last night watching old Barney Miller shows from its first season, which wasn't the best season, but it was good stuff. We remarked on the plaid pants and wide ties of 1975, and commented on how "cutting-edge" Barney Miller was at the time, right up there with All in the Family.
At some point between 9 and 10 PM, I went to bed. Cliff said he turned in shortly after 11. According to him, I was doing an outstanding job of snoring, but he managed to go right to sleep anyway.
Before I went to bed, I posted one video on Facebook (against my rules, but I knew I was breaking the rule at the time) and my daughter commented "ah-HA!"
Today I made black-eyed-pea dip and enjoyed it with chips for dinner, while Cliff had a bowl of turkey soup I warmed up for him. He spent the morning cutting wood and is back at it again now. He's been so sedentary lately, he said it was hard to get his body moving. He took a couple of Tylenol tablets before he went back out there.
There are thoughts that often occurs to me when I'm scrolling down my Facebook wall, mischievous thoughts for which I am deeply ashamed. For instance, someone posts a picture that says, "Share this if you have a daughter who is beautiful and smart." And I want to make a sign that says, "Share this if your daughter is stupid and ugly." (Mine isn't, by the way.)
Sometimes it's "Share this if you love your grandchildren" and I want to post "Share this if your grandchildren are brats and you can't stand to be around them."
It's just the twisted way my mind works, or maybe it's the idea that, of COURSE everybody considers their kids and grandkids good-looking and smart, so is it really necessary to put a sign on Facebook stating the fact?
Then I remember some pretty stupid stuff I've posted myself, and decide to let sleeping dogs lie.
Here's the video I posted against my rules last night: