Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Christmas blues

Since I reached adulthood (many years ago), I've had a tendency to be a little depressed around Christmas; I've never been able to put my finger on a cause.  I know part of it is S.A.D., but somehow there's a special low I get as Christmas draws nigh.  There was a time I could bake my way out of it, but Cliff and I have no will power; if I bake cookies, we'll eat them.  So I mope around feeling sorry for myself, missing out on fruitcake and brown sugar candy and cranberry bread.  
A close relative lost his job.  That doesn't help my mood. 
Today an old friend of ours, Bud Smith, was buried; that puts added clouds in my sky.  He was the type of guy that, if you called him to come and help, he was right there.  You could count on it.  In recent months Alzheimer's got hold of him and he wasn't the same person we used to know, according to his daughter.  
We got word this afternoon that one of Cliff's cousins has, at most, a few days to live.
I suppose I'm just being reminded of my own mortality.  
Then there's cancer.  For three years I've followed the blogs of two young mothers who were diagnosed with inflammatory breast cancer around the same time.  This is a cancer that you're never rid of.  No doctor will ever say you're cured.  Both these ladies have had a recent recurrence and are going through chemo, again.  Their fondest hopes are that they make it long enough to see their children grow up.  How is it I get to live to be sixty-six, and these ladies probably won't?    
I've recently discovered another blogger who just found out her husband has lung cancer.  


I had, today, a light bulb moment:  I've always tried to think of something to say to these people and leave a comment on their blogs.  Today it hit me that, since I don't know these folks personally, I'd do well to read what they have to say, whisper a prayer for them, and move on.  It's probably best if I leave the commenting to people who know them in real life, and that's what I intend to do from now on.  
But it just weighs on a person, knowing what kind of Christmas these folks are having.  
With that said, I wish all my readers a peaceful, healthy and happy Christmas.  

13 comments:

madcobug said...

No wonder you feel sad with all you have listed going on. I think we all feel sad also because we think of our loved one who have gone on before. Merry Christmas to you and Cliff and your families. Helen

Paula said...

There has been a heap of sad news in this part of the country too. Seems it just hurts more during the Christmas season. I pray you and Cliff will have a nice holiday and the new year will be kind to you.

Mo Rage said...

A couple things come to mind, as I read your post today.

First, I can totally relate. While I don't suffer from SAD, I know there are times when, between the darkness, which seems nearly endless (but really isn't) and the cold, it just gets to me.

Second, your honesty is remarkable, as is what I see as your braveness in putting it "out there". I hope you know what I mean. I wouldn't be strong enough (I think that's what it is) to be that honest with even my friends, let alone readers. That's commendable on your part.

Third, I hate to say it, but at my ripe old age of 54--I think you get what I'm saying here--it seems life is much more like this. Unfortunately, that's when people start leaving us, of course, and more frequently. That and we're more aware of it all.

All we can do is stick with family and friends.

And be strong. And brave.

Best--and Merry Christmas. Make the most of it.

Mo Rage said...

I hope it helps that you're not alone in this.

I'm mostly known as 'MA' said...

Life happens and it always seems that we hate to hear of it at Christmas especially. It's easy to get caught up in others lives even when we don't know them personally. At times like this I think you said it well, it is best to pray. Who else could handle problems like those better anyway. We just have to learn to live each day one day at a time and leave it at that. Right now this moment things are just fine and I'm thankful for it.

Lindie said...

I don't know you either but I care about you. The solstice is past now and every day will bring a few more minutes of daylight. I always get a lift once that happens. My main comfort is my family and the little grandchildren give me great joy. Another thing that cheered me up was when I was down in Mansfield I signed up for their heritage seed catalog and it came the other day. They have a web site at www.rareseeds.com where you can probably order a catalog. It is beautiful!

Margaret said...

But I like comments that help me to know that people are thinking about me/us! Don't ever feel worried about leaving your words--they are appreciated more than you know. I have difficulty remaining positive this Christmas, but we are TRYING. Our daughters are home, we just played a great game of Hoopla and the house is full of laughter. What could be better?

Jon said...

The holiday season is supposed to be such a happy, perfect time of year that it serves to emphasise and compound our problems and troubles. It also resurrects our intensely nostalgic feelings. You should counteract this by getting into that kitchen and baking up a storm!! And make a fruitcake in my honor. (FRUITCAKE??!!??)

Hollie said...

I'm praying for you. I know it's hard with the weather dreary & all the sadness around. We've just got to pray without ceasing. I agree with Margaret about the commenting. Even though you don't personally know them....I believe it means alot to know that people you don't personally know takes the time to comment & to let you know they are thinking about you & continuing to pray for you. The words of my blogging friends & FB friends lift my spirits immensely!!! I hope you have a Merry Christmas!

Rachel said...

I think Jon hit it on the head. It's the hype. I see people buying and buying and it highlights the fact that we don't have a lot of money to spend. I see people receiving tons of gifts and I think how lucky they are. I don't want a lot of gifts, but that little pang is back there somewhere.

Everything is supposed to be happy and jolly and perfect, so every imperfection seems to glare at you. That's kind of why I wanted to do something REALLY laid back on Saturday. No gifts, no big meal, no pressure. See you there!

Vicki said...

There are so many things in life that we have no control over. Sad situations happen all year, they seem sadder at Christmas. I so understand how you feel. Feel better Donna. Vicki

Forty Pound Sack said...

Hi Donna - I've had winter blues at times myself, so I can relate your post. It always seemed more potent at the holidays. Let's cross our fingers for an early spring.
Please don't underestimate the power of your comments on a strangers blog. Knowing someone is thinking of you makes a real difference, even if you've never met that person. Support is comforting. Maybe knowing that will help your blues, just a little.

small farm girl said...

Donna, I'm going to keep this nice and simple....Merry Christmas to you and yours too. Sometimes I too just can't come up with words to say.