THIRTEEN WAYS I KNOW I LIVE IN THE COUNTRY
1. I can usually tell you the price of propane
2. I know how many miles it is to all of the three nearest Wal-marts.
3. When I hear sirens, I wonder where they’re going, because chances are they’re going after someone I know.
4. I have to feed my dog inside, because neighbors' dogs would eat her food if I put it outside.
5. The cats on this place live in the barn.
6. I can rank, on the basis of foulness, different kinds of poop: horse-poop is the least foul, hog do-do is the worst (although dog- and chicken- crap are close runners-up).
7. It doesn’t bother me to squat and potty outside, or inside an outbuilding (although I try to make sure nobody’s around first).
8. I can identify smells that city people can’t: freshly-mowed alfalfa, billy goats, silage, sweet feed, and as mentioned in #6, all sorts of manure.
9. I can look at a cow and tell you whether it’s beef or dairy, and often, what breed it is.
10. I own Carhart coveralls and rubber knee boots (chore-boots), and wear them when needed.
11. When we pass the cemetery and I see a new grave, I wonder if it's anybody I know.
12. When it rains, there are mud-tracks in our entry-hallway.
13. I don’t have to pick up my dog’s doo-doo.
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