Here's three and a half hours I'll never get back

I have noticed for a while that I "talk" better when I'm writing (or typing) than I actually talk out loud.  Obviously, when I'm writing the words, I have lots of time to get things right,with nobody watching or hearing.  When I blog, I have the internet to find the right word and then change things accordingly.  Just above, I tried several way to spell "obviously" and never got close to getting it right.  After trying three or four times, I used autocorrect to get it right.  Even then, I couldn't think what the word autocorrect was, so I asked Google this question:  "Why does my cell phone sometimes change a word?"

I could go on, but you get the picture.  If I want to have a conversation with someone, I can't say, "Just a minute, I'll get my computer."  

Last week Cliff helped me put new strings on my guitar.  I got them all tuned up and started to sing "Bobby McGee" and couldn't even remember the first line.  It is my favorite song to sing, and relatives know it's "my song".  It's one of the few songs I could sing without lyrics nearby.  When my grandaughter Monica was four years old or so, she was going somewhere with her dad; he had his radio on and Janis Joplin came on singing Bobby McGee; Monica said to her dad, "Why is that woman singing Grandma's song?"

I couldn't believe I've forgotten that song I'd sang so often.  I did google the lyrics and tried to sing it, but even then I made a mess of it.

So this morning I got a thought:  Maybe if I start writing the words, one line will lead to another?  Thank goodness I did manage to remember the first line.  And sure enough, I eventually got all of it without looking it up.  A couple of times I couldn't remember a word or line, so I'd leave space for it and go to the next line, which I remembered.  Sure enough, I got every word of it without looking up the lyrics.  

To make it harder, I was writing those words with my left hand.  Some of you may remember during the Covid years I learned to write with my left hand (barely).  I mostly abandoned the idea, and you're lucky if you can read it because it's the worst penmanship you will ever see, but here it is.

  And then, without reading the lyrics at all, I sang the whole song.  

I'm just glad to be here

When I started telling people I had dementia of some kind or other, I have seen several ways people respond.  In the beginning, all the older folks would tell me, "Oh, I forget things all the time; that's just normal."

They don't say that now.  I have days when I can't remember many common words, and names of people are almost out of the question.  They see it now.  Many folks say, "Oh, no!!" when I tell them.  Before Cliff took me to Church yesterday, I told him I had better not do much talking to people when I got there, because words weren't coming to me very well; some days are better than others.  

One relative said to me, "What a terrible thing to have happen!"

But here at home, I'm in my garden a lot, which is where I love to be.  I'm still reading books, although perhaps not as much as I did.  I am letting my husband help me out when we go shopping, because I can't be trusted to deal with money.  I tried using a credit card to pay for groceries, but last week when we came home, I couldn't find the card I had used to pay for groceries.  I still play Wordle, but I don't put it on Facebook any more because I often can't think of any words.

I am, for the most part, just living one day at a time and not worrying about the future.  Why should I let the end of my life get me down when I have had almost eighty years of doing whatever I wanted to do?  I've had a great run!  

I don't want to hurt anyone these days, and if I want to tell someone how much I appreciate them, I do so.  I have apologized here and there for things I have said and done.  I am now able to talk about Jesus even though others think he's a hoax, while still knowing that their beliefs seem as real to them as mine are to me.  I just thank God I am capable of believing.  

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things.  Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."  Matthew 6:34

And yes, I am still, in this moment, just glad to be here.  I can hardly wait for the green beans from the garden that I'll have in perhaps two weeks.  I'm looking forward to baby goats that will be born in late September and early October.  I'm hoping against hope that the storm we are supposed to get tomorrow will actually come and soak my poor garden.

Life is still good.